Clovenhoof's Diary: March by Heide Goody & Iain Grant

Author:Heide Goody & Iain Grant [Goody, Heide]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: devil, hell, funny, Angels, Heaven, Humour, Humor, Demons, Comedy
Publisher: Pigeon Park Press
Published: 2019-04-14T23:00:00+00:00

15th March

“Where is he then?” demanded Spartacus Wilson, materialising at Ben’s bookshop counter.

“Eh? Who?” said Ben, who had been busy sorting through a stack of potential books for future book club meetings.

“Jeremy,” said Spartacus. “He’s not been in school all week. Mrs Spanks said it was probably flu.”

“There’s a lot of it about,” agreed Ben. “Look, he’s not about at the moment.”

“But I need him.”

Such devotion fair warmed Ben’s heart.

“My teachers say I ask too many questions,” said Spartacus.

“Uh-huh.”

“And when I told my History teacher that Mr C always has time for my questions, he said I should go and find him then.”

“Uh-huh.” Ben gave him a look. “As I say… well, what kind of questions?”

“Brexit,” said Spartacus.

Ben puffed out his cheeks. “Oh, not tricky questions at all then,” he said sarcastically.

“So, you understand it?”

“No one understands it,” said Ben with feeling.

“Mr French — that’s the History teacher — he says Brexit is like Britain wants to split up with its girlfriend.”

“That’s sort of it,” Ben conceded. “Except some people haven’t thought about the problems you might face with storming out of the home you created with your girlfriend without having somewhere new to move to.”

“Do we need somewhere new to move to.”

Ben shrugged. “It was a nice house. Oh, some of us didn’t like the girlfriend’s house rules but it was a nice house. So nice in fact that, even though we’re leaving, some people think we should still be entitled to keep hold of the door keys.”

“Right, right,” said Spartacus. “So, they’ve been voting in parliament this week.”

“Ye-e-es,” said Ben slowly, fearing they were getting into tricky territory now.

“So, did we vote to be in or out?”

Ben pulled a face.

“Well, first of all, parliament voted down the deal the prime minister wanted to make with Europe.”

“Which was?”

“Er. We stop living in the house, although we still pay some of the bills, we get some of the perks of living in the house but we don’t get to make any of the decisions about what happens in the house, like, er, what shade to paint the bathroom.”

“Well, that sounds worse than living in the house.”

“Right, but then the next day, parliament voted against just leaving, so not to storm out of the house with nowhere to go stay and nothing new in place.”

“So, they voted to not leave?”

“No,” said Ben, carefully. “They voted against stropping out with nowhere to go. They didn’t vote to leave.”

“Isn’t that the same?”

“No, apparently. And then they voted the following day to ask Europe if they could have more time to think about it.”

Spartacus frowned.

“So, we’re not staying with the girlfriend?”

“No.”

“But we’re not going to just storm out?”

“No.”

“But we’re not going agree to the deal where we’ve left but sort of act like we haven’t?”

“No.”

His frown had deepened. It was an understandably deep frown.

“Then what do we need more time to think about?”

Ben shrugged.

“How much we’ve really, really messed things up. So, has that answered your questions?”

“Not sure,” said Spartacus. “Thing is, Jeremy told

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